I seem to have created a pattern of writing my blog posts late at night when I can barely keep my eyes open. Maybe this is when I’m most inspired? Meh.
Anyways, I have finally reached the last bit of my time here in London and it’s hitting me. Pretty hard. I’ve been in denial recently over the fact that I would have to leave London and reside back in Canada.
I’ve been very slowly packing my things and basically any plans that need to be made have involved me dragging my feet through it all. I’m not sure if I’m ready for this, or really I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Most people feel sad or something to the fact that everything’s changing but for me, I don’t feel anything. I know what I’m supposed to feel but I just feel like I’m going through the motions until shit gets very real and I explode. I’m not looking forward to that moment.
These types of things makes me think, why do we fear change? Is it because we don’t know what awaits us? Or the fact that we might not have a plan? Or even the fact that having a plan doesn’t guarantee that that thing will actually happen? It’s the uncertainty of it all. I fucking hate it!
But also I’ll miss the familiarity. I’ll miss seeing the same old faces and being annoyed by the same people and the routes I take home when the sun sets. I’ll miss seeing the London coastline on the DLR and the dumb drunks yelling and laughing on the tube. I’ll miss the hustle and bustle and the impatient people waiting for you to tap your oyster card. But most of all, I’ll miss the feeling of home when I come from a long trip and see all the people I care about. I mean sure, technology exists but it’s never the same. Time passes, people drift apart. Whatsapp messages start to become unread and Skype calls are a rarity. What we once would call a friendship is now like talking to a stranger. I’m terrified of the people I love forgetting me. Maybe that’s why I’m so scared of change, because once I’m gone; I’m easily forgotten.
So obviously I have a lot of feelings about moving away.
And on that cheery note I shall bid you goodnight for now. I always forget how much I like writing these blog posts.