Do you ever get this thing where you do something and think to yourself,

why am I like this’

I feel like  I have to ask myself that question far too often these days. Especially when I go through something that’ll give me a negative reaction.

Like for example, today there was this heartfelt video on Facebook that everyone was sharing. I was curious about the video’s content but knew that since it was an emotional video, I was going to cry.

You would think a reasonable human being would understand that if something makes them react so negatively they would avoid it. Not me though, I seem to collide head first into it.

After seeing this video several times on my feed, I decided to watch it. Right before I press play I thought to myself ‘I bet that I won’t even cry at this’

Well I was wrong. Within 5 minutes, the gut wrenching heart warming video had me sobbing in the bathroom.

Why do I do this to myself?

It’s like, I know that something will cause me to react badly to it but somehow I trick myself into doing it anyway hoping that some other outcome will appear.

No past me, no matter how many times you see that horror movie  you will always be too freaked out to walk around in the dark. Yes, that video is sad and maybe you shouldn’t watch and you won’t cry…. Nevermind.

Why do I always convince myself that things will end up differently when I KNOW what I’m like. It’s like a form a wishful thinking or something.

Anyways I’m exhausted. Rant over. I regret most things.

SB

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